I’m trying my best to not act the way I feel. I’m trying so fucking hard you have no idea.

I’m confused…again. For the 4th time. When is it ever gonna end?

I’m trying my best to remind myself to not compare myself to anyone else. But I can’t help but wonder what I’ve been missing/why I’m not good enough for anyone to actually want to stick around.

thevvildyouth:

dear heart of mine, i’m so sorry for taking so long to let this go…nothing really seems to distract me enough to make me forget to hold on 

thevvildyouth:

i don’t understand why this keeps on happening to me. i keep on trying to figure out what i’ve done anything wrong to deserve all this pain festering inside of me. my only mistake is giving my all and expecting the others to do the same for me. i keep on giving my all and getting nothing back but confusion and uncertainty. it’s the same theme every single time and i’m so tired of it. my head hurts. my heart hurts. my soul hurts. someone just come over and hold me like i actually matter for once. i just want to be loved the way that i love other people…it’s such a simple request. it’s all i want. it’s all i need. why does wholesome and genuine love feel so unattainable? i feel like i keep on reaching out for something that doesn’t exist.

thevvildyouth:

i’m just frustrated. not with you but with myself for believing in the impossible. for thinking that we could ever exist outside of our dreams. for being a dreamer and coming to the realisation that i’ve been dreaming alone. 

thevvildyouth:

i told myself i would never blindly give my all to just anybody ever again. mutual trust and respect needs to be earned. i’m tired of being used. i’m tired of being treated like an option. i’m tired of constantly not receiving the same amount of effort that i put in. i’ve experienced enough pain to last myself a lifetime and i’ve picked myself back up too many times to let anyone fuck up my progress. my heart is weary but it is far from foolish. i know what i deserve and i refuse to settle for anything less. show me effort and i’ll show you the same. if you don’t then i’ll back away. because if there’s anything i’ve learnt, it’s that i am indispensable to the ones who were meant to stay. all i ask is for you to be real with me. 

thevvildyouth:

it feels like my arms are outstretched for something that doesn’t exist, something that was never there to begin with

thevvildyouth:

I’ve forgotten what it feels like
to have someone on my mind so often,
I’ve forgotten what it feels like
to have someone to be excited about,
I’ve forgotten what it feels like
to let someone have that kind of power over me
It’s been years of forgetting
But she’s reminded me of it all